Summer Camp 2007

i got back from summer camp a few weeks ago, and it was awesome. Tom talked about faith, what it is and how important it is, and it was really encouraging. there were a few things i didnt completely agree with, but thats a subject for another time...

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Anyways, camp was a lot of fun, the games were sweet, and it was great to hang out with my friends and to talk about stuff. i was fortunate enough to get to know some new people at camp, as well as to grow closer to old friends. All that stuff is great, but my favorite part of camp has to be the services. The worship at camp is amazing, and i love the whole atmosphere - there's just something really cool about being in a room with about 1000 people worshipping God...and then Tom does a really awesome job of teaching.

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This camp was different from past camps for me, mostly im comparing it to last year, because thats the camp that i remember most, but it felt different than what i remember others as being like. Last yeat i was dealing with some problems in my life, a lot of it steming from how my group interacted, but that has completely disappeared over the last year, and now we've all grown a lot closer, and we have very few problems, and this year we were able to just grow closer to each other.

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also last year i was struggling with some sin in my life, and camp kinda was a...i guess repentant...experience, but this year, while i still struggle constantly with sin, and still fail, i wasnt in the same place i was last year in dealing with it. so this year became more of a "let go and let God" experience, there were, and have been since camp, some things that are...difficult...to deal with and understand...some of them have lasted longer than others, but as a sinful person, i have a tendency to try to fix them myself, rather than let God deal with them. during camp i began to realize that i couldnt do anything to fix one of the things that i was trying to, and i started to understand that i had to just pray about it and trust God. then not too long after camp another thing happened that was completely beyond my control, and left me feeling kinda helpless, and that just forced the issue even more. then on top of that all Tom talked about faith at camp, and one of the things he talke about on the first night was how God has a different perspective on things than we do, and that if we have faith then we will trust God with everything. so all those things kinda combined together to emphasize the point that God is in control, and im not, and theres a good reason for it.

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the last thing from camp is that i tend to focus too much on the things ive done wrong - the sins ive committed, and i need to just let go and trust God's grace. On Friday night Tom said something that i though was really cool and encouraging: "God knows everything about you, and He loves you anyway, and He proved it by sending Jesus." i keep telling myself that i cant focus on my mistakes, that im human and i wont be perfect until im in heaven, but part of me still want to beat myself up over them, even though i know that God's grace is bigger.

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camp was awesome, i wish it didnt always go so fast, but it was a great time to grow closer to my friends, and to have fun, and to grow closer to God. i want to say thanks to all my amazing friends that have helped me through everthing thats happened recently, thanks for your support and prayers. i would ask that you keep praying for me as i continue to struggle with sin, and also pray that i would trust God with everything, not just the things that i dont want to, or cant deal with.

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"Lift It" by Thousand Foot Krutch:

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Through my temptations to walk away,

and through the endless troubled days,

there's a hundred million ways,

for me to release your praise;

and by and by, and through the tears,

and things you've taught me through the years,

my whole life was designed by you,

I'll never know anyone half as true.

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I lift it up, I lift it up,

lift it up so you can see,

I lift it up, I lift it up,

lift it up from inside of me.

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So I lift it, I lift it up to you,

and I will never forget,

the times that we've been through,

so I lift it, I said I lift it up to you;

And I surrender all of me, to you, to you, to you,

and everything I'll ever be, to you, to you, to you,

and I surrender all of me...

my birthday, the end of school, and everything else...

so theres been a lot of stuff going on recently and i havent really taken the time to post anything but whatever...my 16th birthday was last thursday (as if everyone who reads this didnt alredy know that) and it was pretty sweet. my parents got me a new computer that is insanely fast and i already love it. also i skipped a couple classes the day after my birthday to go and get my drivers licence, which was great, but its really weird the first time in the car without anyone else in it. after that was the end of the school year, which i am so glad is over. i always look forward to finals because i know that it means the end of the year is coming, and by the time the year ends i am so tired of the boring daily routine of school that i dont care if i have to bubble in a million circles or fill in a thousand little lines for all the scantrons that all my teachers have to use for their finals...but its over now and im really excited for the summer. the funny thing is that i doesnt even feel like summer yet, it just feels like another weekend, like im going to have to go back on monday again. the only other thing worth mentioning is that i went to pirates of the carribbean 3 last night, and it was good, not as good as the first one but still...it was worth the four hours we stood in line for it.

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other than that i would just ask you to all keep praying for me as i struggle with sin and try to grow closer to God. and pray for summer camp, that God would do something awesome there and touch the lives of all the kids that go. i pray that i will never forget how amazing God is, that he still loves me in spite of everything i do, and i thank him for that every day.

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And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness" Therefore most gladly i will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

~II Corinthians 12:9

JESUS LOVES ME!

i dont know, this may sound kinda like my last post, but whatever... Last night in church Tom talked about God's love. The title of the message was "Jesus Loves Me, this I know." To be Honest, over the last few months i have been going through an ongoing struggle with sin. it seems like a really bad roller coaster ride, ill fail miserably, and then for a while i get better, and then i fail again. and its kinda been going on for a while now and im tired. i dont want to keep doing it, but i just keep going back. and then last night, when im feeling really guilty about this ongoing pattern, even doubting my salvation, Tom talked about how Jesus knows EVERYTHING about me and yet he LOVED me enough to die for me. In the midst of this sin i was really doubting whether or not i really love God and could even call myself a christian, and then, Last night Tom read a quote from James Boice where he said to a little girl that if she didnt think that she loved God and she wanted to, that she should just keep telling herself "JESUS LOVES ME!" over and over again. i dont know what it was about that that affected me, but i tried it, and its just been awesome, its like God just opened my eyes, and i have just felt really different since that message. at this point i feel like i didnt even know who i was 48 hours ago, and my prayer is that it will stay this way. i know there will be temptations, and i know that i will fail in some way, shape, or form in the future, but right now i feel like i'm "on top of the world, "and i just keep telling myself "Jesus Loves Me; Jesus Loves ME; JESUS LOVES ME!" and right now i can't help but feel so happy every time i tell myself that, it sends chills down my spine. that Jesus could love a sinner like me enough to die for me. its just an AWESOME feeling of Love and Forgiveness. Then, after the Message, we had communion, and it just felt so...real, so...honest, so...i dont know, but it felt awesome! and i just dont want to forget this. then, the last song we sang that just completed the whole service was "Jesus Paid it All" and after that i was so touched, i felt like God just laid his hand on me and told me "its ok, I'm here, I died for you" and the only words i could think of were "thank you God." and after the service i just sat down with my hands on my face saying that over and over again. So i just want to thank God again for loving me enough to die for me.

Jesus Paid it All

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i hear the Savior say,

thy strength indeed is small,

child of weakness watch and pray,

find in me thine all in all.

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Jesus Paid it All,

All to Him i owe,

sin had left a crimson stain,

He washed it white as snow!

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Oh, Praise the one, who paid my debt,

and raised this life up from the dead!

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Jesus...

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only time will tell if this state of mind and new commitment will last, but i hope and pray that it will, and im asking that you will pray for me as i struggle with my sin, and try to live my life motivated by my Love for my God. I want to surrender my life to him, let him do whatever he wants with it, i just pray that my resolve wont waver, even if it costs me more than i expect or like.

JESUS LOVES ME!!

GOD IS AWESOME

i feel overwhelmed right now. God's love is amazing, when i sin he forgives me, he chose me for salvation despite everything i do, and he still loves me. i feel so undeserving of his love, i feel like i do the same thing over and over again. my prayers all feel the same: "God forgive me, i screwed up again." and yet He still loves me. that thought makes me feel happy, and at the seame time, bring tears to my eyes. i feel like Paul when he said in Romans 7:18-19, & 24:

"For i know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to preform what is good i do not find. For the good that i will to do, i do not do; but the evil i will not to do, that i practice....O wretched man that i am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?"

but then in verse 25:"

I thank God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind i myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin."

i feel just like that, part of me want to do the things that i know are sin, but the other part of me wants to do God's will. the problem is that i am weak, and dont have the will to resist temptation, for that i need God. i know that with His help i can conquer my sin, and be able to live as he wants because He says that: "My strength is made perfect in weakness." i just pray that when i sin, as i know i will, that God will continue to forgive me, and to love me, as i know he will.

My thoughts on Winter Camp '07

i wrote this about a week after winter camp, it really just reflects my emotions, and talks about what i learned at camp.

…i don’t really know where to start Before Winter Camp i was really struggling with some sin in my life, i wasn’t reading my Bible, i was being rebellious just to be rebellious, i was doing some other stuff that i really regret doing, stuff that i had once thought that i would never do. i was so caught in the endless recurring cycle of sin. id mess up, then feel guilty and sorta ask God for forgiveness with a heart that wasn’t truly sorry. then the next day id just do the same things again. i have to admit that I didn’t really even try to prepare for winter camp. i just sorta showed up on friday afternoon, i wanted to go but just because i wanted to hang out with my friends, not because I wanted God to do something in my life. but fortunately for me, God doesn’t really care what i think I want, He wants whats best for me. on friday night, Luke talked about the younger son and how he was running from the father, and i realized how much i was like him. i was running away from God, chasing after the things that the world said were “cool” or that they said would give me pleasure. then the next day, Luke talked about the older brother and showed me how much i was like him. when i wasn’t sinning like the younger brother, i was trying to do the “right’ thing for the wrong reasons. i would read my Bible so i would feel like i was following God, but i was actually doing it for me, and id always try to finish reading as fast as possible so that i could go do something else, but i could still feel like i was doing good. then on on saturday night, Luke talked about God’s love for us as sinners, and how he runs after us and how he took the shame that we deserve. one thing i never realized, though the story is very familiar, was how the father also came after the older brother, not just the younger one. he came out and pleaded with him to come back, i don’t know how i missed it, but somehow i did, and it was really cool to realize that God chases the “good” people too. that night i really felt God working, and since I got home, whether or not anyone else has seen it, I feel changed, the temptation to sin is still there but somehow it just seems easier to ignore, since i got back, I have actually, for the first time in quite a while, had a desire to read God’s word, i don’t feel forced to read anymore, i just want to.

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one song that ive really taken comfort in recently is Me and Jesus by Stellar Kart. it just reminds me that im not the only one who sins, and that it doesn’t matter what i do, God will still love me. the beginning goes like this….

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When there’s, no where else to turn,

All your, bridges have been burned.

Feels like you’ve hit rock bottom,

Don’t give, up it’s not the end,

Open, up your heart again,

When you feel like no one understands,

Where you are,

Someone loves you,

Even when you don’t think so,

Don’t you know?

You’ve got me and Jesus.

By your side through the fight you will never be alone,

Don’t you know?

You’ve got me and Jesus...

About me....

As i said, my desire is to glorify God in everthing i do, and to show others His amazing love in my life. Although i do sin all the time, i know that God will forgive me, and i praise him for His Amazing Love. Every day i am reminded how sinful i am, and how much i don't deserve the life that i take for granted, let alone that he chose me for salvation despite all my flaws and sins and problems. I am constantly amazed that he doesn't finally lose patience with me, but i am so glad that he is much more patient than i ever will be. I give thanks to God for my freinds and family, and for his Amazing Love.