i wrote this about a week after winter camp, it really just reflects my emotions, and talks about what i learned at camp.
…i don’t really know where to start
Before Winter Camp i was really struggling with some sin in my life, i wasn’t reading my Bible, i was being rebellious just to be rebellious, i was doing some other stuff that i really regret doing, stuff that i had once thought that i would never do. i was so caught in the endless recurring cycle of sin. id mess up, then feel guilty and sorta ask God for forgiveness with a heart that wasn’t truly sorry. then the next day id just do the same things again. i have to admit that I didn’t really even try to prepare for winter camp. i just sorta showed up on friday afternoon, i wanted to go but just because i wanted to hang out with my friends, not because I wanted God to do something in my life. but fortunately for me, God doesn’t really care what i think I want, He wants whats best for me. on friday night, Luke talked about the younger son and how he was running from the father, and i realized how much i was like him. i was running away from God, chasing after the things that the world said were “cool” or that they said would give me pleasure. then the next day, Luke talked about the older brother and showed me how much i was like him. when i wasn’t sinning like the younger brother, i was trying to do the “right’ thing for the wrong reasons. i would read my Bible so i would feel like i was following God, but i was actually doing it for me, and id always try to finish reading as fast as possible so that i could go do something else, but i could still feel like i was doing good. then on on saturday night, Luke talked about God’s love for us as sinners, and how he runs after us and how he took the shame that we deserve. one thing i never realized, though the story is very familiar, was how the father also came after the older brother, not just the younger one. he came out and pleaded with him to come back, i don’t know how i missed it, but somehow i did, and it was really cool to realize that God chases the “good” people too. that night i really felt God working, and since I got home, whether or not anyone else has seen it, I feel changed, the temptation to sin is still there but somehow it just seems easier to ignore, since i got back, I have actually, for the first time in quite a while, had a desire to read God’s word, i don’t feel forced to read anymore, i just want to.
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one song that ive really taken comfort in recently is Me and Jesus by Stellar Kart. it just reminds me that im not the only one who sins, and that it doesn’t matter what i do, God will still love me. the beginning goes like this….
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When there’s, no where else to turn,
All your, bridges have been burned.
Feels like you’ve hit rock bottom,
Don’t give, up it’s not the end,
Open, up your heart again,
When you feel like no one understands,
Where you are,
Someone loves you,
Even when you don’t think so,
Don’t you know?
You’ve got me and Jesus.
By your side through the fight you will never be alone,
Don’t you know?
You’ve got me and Jesus...
